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Teacher's Top Ten reasons for becoming a Teacher

1. Revenge
2. To make a difference
3. To climb the Board Of Studies ladder
4. Kidnapped and forced into profession - HELP!
5. University too hard to teach
6. Preschool too hard to teach
7. Opportunity to subvert young, vulnerable minds
8. Parole terms / Community Service punishment
9. Wealth, prestige
10. Masochistic

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The inspiration:

Top 10 Reasons to Date an Engineer

10. The world does revolve around us... we use the coordinate system
9. No "couple" enjoy a better "moment"
8. We knkow how to handle stress and strain in a relationship
7. We have significant figures
6. EK301: The motion of Rigid Bodies
5. Projectile motion: Do we need to say more?
4. Engineers do it to specification
3. According to Newton, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal and opposite
2. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force
1. WE KNOW THE RIGHT HAND RULE




Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.") 
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.) 
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.) 
6. I've got a boyfriend...
(...who's really my male cat and a half-gallon of Ben and Jerry's.) 
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building.) 
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.) 
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.) 
...and the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)... 
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.) 



Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.) 
9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.) 
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.) 
7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.) 
6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.) 
5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.) 
4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.) 
3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.) 
2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.) 
...and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)... 
1. Let's be friends. (You're really ugly.)



10 THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH
 
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the junior high Sunday
school class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual
stewardship campaign!




TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH

1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not

TOP 10 (well, 11) REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH

1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh.
11. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN

1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur
3. No need to worry about tax returns
4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 AD
5. Can wear sunglasses inside
6. Political stability
7. Flexible working hours
8. Live near the Pope
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. In-built sense of pacifism

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:

1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?!?!?!?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH

1. Guinness
2. 18 Children because you can't use contraceptives
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
4. Pubs never close
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't
have sex with a condom on
6. No one can ever remember the night before
7. Kill people you don't agree with
8. Stew
9. More Guinness
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN

1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilised nation on earth wanted
2. Fosters Lager
3. Disposbecause you think it belongs to you
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket
5. Tact and sensitivity
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach


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