Back to Homepage

This Month's Colourful Report Card Terminology

In keeping with the common practice in schools across the nation of disguising the true character and personality of pupils so their parents won't get like a trauma, MODERN TEACHER offers another instalment of some new and colourful doubletalk terminology for use on report cards.


***

"He has an unquenchable thirst for spontaneity in education, which has been best slaked by the give-and-take classroom discussion, as opposed to the sterile atmosphere of a non-scholastic milieu."
TRANSLATION: He hasn't done his homework in three weeks!

***

"While his personal intellectual capacity is limitless, he rarely hesitates to absorb knowledge from others around him in order to enhance his image as a well-rounded pupil."
TRANSLATION: He cheats on exams!

***

"He allows himself the healthy luxury of unleashing his pent-up emotions, which, had he suppressed them, might turn him into a seething cauldron of self-consuming neuroses."
TRANSLATION: He kicks, scratches, bites and Spits!

***

"He has an innate desire to examine at firsthand the vicissittides of life, which has been best satisfied, by personal pilgrimages into the very maw of civiliziation."
TRANSLATION: He cut classes 24 times this term!

***

"He appears to prefer the cloistered atmoshere of solitary study, rather than engage himelf in the communication of class discussion."
TRANSLATION: The other kids steer clear of him because he doesn't wash.

***

"He is deeply concerned with the physical well-being of other students, seeing to it that they do not overindulge in calories or harm the calcium content of their teeth."
TRANSLATION: He steals cookies and candy from his classmates.

***

"His is a wandering, probing mind, which by its very nature, should not be accelerated onto new horizons too rapidly, but should be allowed instead to return to areas once before explored for the purpose of gathering additional insight.
TRANSLATION: He's going to be left back this term.

Back to Homepage
Submit some more stuff!!